I’ve always believed that your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. I fully bought into this idea especially because I married the love of my life so of course it must be the greatest and happiest day ever. I had a vision for what the day would be like but the reality was so far from it. I remember at the end of the day at about 8pm, I was sitting in the best man’s car, waiting for my husband to be done so we could finally end the day and I just started crying. At that point, I was believed I had a truly miserable day. I still felt so bad a few days after then I did some research and discovered that what I was feeling was post wedding blues.
We had our wedding ceremony 9 months after we got engaged. I started planning almost immediately. I talked and thought of different aspects of this day almost every day for 9 months. I was so scared things would go wrong so I handed over many things to my Mother and I only thought about things that concerned my husband and I or my bridesmaids.
The weeks leading up to the wedding were so stressful because I had left most things to the last minute. I only got my dress 2 days before the wedding. My shoes didn’t arrive until the day before and I had a terrible cold on my wedding week.
We had our traditional, garden ceremony and reception on the same day. I knew this would be stressful but I had no idea. I started my day at 5.30am and by the time I was done, I didn’t get a chance to take a picture with my husband before we left the hotel. Looking back now, I wish we had relaxed and taken lots of pictures.
There was a subjectively terrible experience during the garden ceremony. This coupled with the fact that we had the ceremony outside at 2pm in the burning heat of Lagos was a bad idea. I cried all through the ceremony so there are also no pictures of us together during this part. Precious moments that weren’t captured.
Things started to get better during the reception. I was finally having fun. There were a few mishaps here too but because of the garden experience, these didn’t seem too bad. I was finally done with the ceremony. Finally, I am Mrs O.
It wasn’t until I had the breakdown in my car before the regrets came to me. I was sad because I felt we had spent too much money. I spent too much money on irrelevant things. I felt sad because of the pictures I didn’t get with my husband. Angry because somebody complained to me that she didn’t get desert. There were no fireworks during our first dance. I was too bloated and looked pregnant all day. I was angry with my dad for embarrassing me. I shouldn’t have used a wedding planner. So many other things I won’t mention because I don’t want to think about it. It has been a month and almost 2 weeks since the wedding. I’m not so sad about it but still a tiny bit angry sha, I won’t lie. Here are a few tips that have helped me feel better. I hope they can help you too
- Remember that this is the beginning not the end. A lot of the sadness comes from the wedding being over but it’s only the beginning of a wonderful adventure as a wife. Think about this instead and look forward to future plans, anniversaries, birthdays, babies etc.
- Unfollow all the wedding pages! I’m serious. It was one of the first things I did when I realized I had the blues and it helped me a lot was to unfollow all the wedding pages I used as inspiration for months leading to the wedding. Now that my timeline is relatively normal, I don’t see other people’s weddings and feel a twinge of jealousy.
- Look at your friend’s photos and videos of the day. I don’t know how but this helped me so much because they were taken from an unprofessional perspective and captured real and truly happy moments
- You can’t change anything by thinking about it. The sooner you accept, the better for your peace of mind
- It is normal to feel this way. It’s just a wedding day not a reflection of your marriage
Just enjoy being married.
Look forward and don’t back 😉