Don’t let post wedding blues get you down

Post wedding blues

I’ve always believed that your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. I fully bought into this idea especially because I married the love of my life so of course it must be the greatest and happiest day ever. I had a vision for what the day would be like but the reality was so far from it. I remember at the end of the day at about 8pm, I was sitting in the best man’s car, waiting for my husband to be done so we could finally end the day and I just started crying. At that point, I was believed I had a truly miserable day. I still felt so bad a few days after then I did some research and discovered that what I was feeling was post wedding blues.

We had our wedding ceremony 9 months after we got engaged. I started planning almost immediately. I talked and thought of different aspects of this day almost every day for 9 months. I was so scared things would go wrong so I handed over many things to my Mother and I only thought about things that concerned my husband and I or my bridesmaids.

The weeks leading up to the wedding were so stressful because I had left most things to the last minute. I only got my dress 2 days before the wedding. My shoes didn’t arrive until the day before and I had a terrible cold on my wedding week.

We had our traditional, garden ceremony and reception on the same day. I knew this would be stressful but I had no idea. I started my day at 5.30am and by the time I was done, I didn’t get a chance to take a picture with my husband before we left the hotel. Looking back now, I wish we had relaxed and taken lots of pictures.

There was a subjectively terrible experience during the garden ceremony. This coupled with the fact that we had the ceremony outside at 2pm in the burning heat of Lagos was a bad idea. I cried all through the ceremony so there are also no pictures of us together during this part. Precious moments that weren’t captured.

Things started to get better during the reception. I was finally having fun. There were a few mishaps here too but because of the garden experience, these didn’t seem too bad. I was finally done with the ceremony. Finally, I am Mrs O.

It wasn’t until I had the breakdown in my car before the regrets came to me. I was sad because I felt we had spent too much money. I spent too much money on irrelevant things. I felt sad because of the pictures I didn’t get with my husband. Angry because somebody complained to me that she didn’t get desert. There were no fireworks during our first dance. I was too bloated and looked pregnant all day. I was angry with my dad for embarrassing me. I shouldn’t have used a wedding planner. So many other things I won’t mention because I don’t want to think about it. It has been a month and almost 2 weeks since the wedding. I’m not so sad about it but still a tiny bit angry sha, I won’t lie. Here are a few tips that have helped me feel better. I hope they can help you too

  • Remember that this is the beginning not the end. A lot of the sadness comes from the wedding being over but it’s only the beginning of a wonderful adventure as a wife. Think about this instead and look forward to future plans, anniversaries, birthdays, babies etc.
  • Unfollow all the wedding pages! I’m serious. It was one of the first things I did when I realized I had the blues and it helped me a lot was to unfollow all the wedding pages I used as inspiration for months leading to the wedding. Now that my timeline is relatively normal, I don’t see other people’s weddings and feel a twinge of jealousy.
  • Look at your friend’s photos and videos of the day. I don’t know how but this helped me so much because they were taken from an unprofessional perspective and captured real and truly happy moments
  • You can’t change anything by thinking about it. The sooner you accept, the better for your peace of mind
  • It is normal to feel this way. It’s just a wedding day not a reflection of your marriage

 

Just enjoy being married.

Look forward and don’t back 😉

Wedding rants #1

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I have been M.I.A for a while and that’s simply because wedding planning is trying to kill me. I know planning a wedding is generally stressful but wedding planning in Lagos must be on another level. There’s so much to think about at all times. I really have no interest in weddings and now I’m being asked about colours? Themes?? Bridesmaids dresses??? Things I didn’t even realise needed to be thought about. I began the planning process in April even though I got engaged in March. The first thing I did based on the advice I got from others and the good people of the internet, was to hire a wedding planner. I thought it would be great because I HATE stress. I know nobody loves it but it’s like a disease to me. It takes away my sleep, my peace of mind, my appetite (haha, I’m kidding, I’ve never been too stressed to eat). When I was looking for a planner, I probably sent an email to like 10 Instagram wedding planners. I was shocked to say the least. I saw prices as high as 2 million Naira and as low as N500,000. I decided on one because she was polite and flexible with her prices. I also loved the pictures of the weddings she had on her page. It’s been about 5 months since and I’ve met with my planner just once or twice but we whatsapp when I need her. It’s not her fault but what I’ll advice is, go for a wedding planner that’s not just a one-man operation. Go for one that you know will be dedicated to you. Also, don’t be fooled by Instagram. I’ll suggest you avoid Instagram if you’re on a budget because they can make you feel poor.

The second thing we did was to secure a hall. This wasn’t hard because we did it with months to spare. 8 months to our wedding actually. I knew I wanted this hall because it had a garden and it’s large so we sorted it out in a few days. As soon as we got the hall, we started looking for a decorator and they are expensive! (I know this is the point I keep harping on about but I mean, I was shocked at how much weddings cost in general). If you are like me, you’ve been saving pictures to your Instagram collections and adding to your pintrest boards. You’ve been following Nwandossignature events, ballevents, btgdecor, aquariantouch etc. If I ever find myself in the wedding business, it’ll probably be in décor after I heard how much money they charge. I decided to call them myself because I was afraid my planner would introduce me to decorators that will charge me my annual salary. The highest price I recall was 2.5 million Naira and the cheapest was about a million. I eventually had to go to my wedding planner to save me. We were able to find a fantastic decorator, who I thought was a bit pricey too but the decor is not something I want to be cheap about. I honestly don’t care if food does’t go round, as long as their selfies are lit. Hahaha.

Third thing was to secure a make up artist. I had already done my homework so I knew that the Instagram make up artists that I follow weren’t affordable for me. So I started calling. I called about 5 make up artists and they were already booked for the date. A date 8 months away?!?! Sigh. So my wedding planner called her contacts and we are able to find one that I liked and I paid my deposit immediately to avoid wahala. (The make up artist has changed now but this is gist for another day).

After this, my wedding planner brought to my attention that I hadn’t gotten a photographer and videographer and these also get booked pretty fast in Lagos. I emailed and called about 20 photographers and I’m not exaggerating. I think my problem is I have Dom Pérignon tastes but Andre budget. So as you can guess, those that I initially messaged were in their millions to 700 thousand. These are fine prices too but still out of budget. I accepted my fate and messaged some that I also liked and were really good. I had so many options and it was tough making a decision but I did and I love who we went with. My other option is a young man whose pictures are stunning. He’s very easy to talk to, understanding, and affordable too. I highly recommend this photographer. He is @806photography on Instagram. Getting the videographer was easy. Not much to be said there.

I’ll continue my rant in another post. Thank you for reading!